Bill Simmons compares Eli Manning to ‘Varsity Blues’

In traditional Bill Simmons-Grantland fashion, the pop culture/basketball/insanely interesting writer compared Giants quarterback Eli Manning to none other than the movie “Varsity Blues.”

It was a part of Simmons’ NFL quarterback power poll, in which he placed Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers in the Paul Crewe Tier, better known as Adam Sandler/Burt Reynolds in “The Longest Yard.”

Eli’s brother, Peyton, was ranked 1C behind Rodgers and Brady in the Joe Pendleton Tier.

Eli, however, earned the Lance Harbor Tier, which connects to “Varsity Blues” because as Simmons wrote so eloquently …

“There’s a big billboard of me on my front lawn and nobody is saying a word because I’m a franchise f-ing QB.”

A particularly strange Eli season — he managed to destroy tens of thousands of fantasy seasons (including mine) while simultaneously coming up huge in the two biggest Giants games they had (San Francisco and Green Bay). Maybe he’s not the guy you’d want week in and week out for five solid months, but he’s still holding the “Guy You’d Want For One Big Game” belt until somebody pins him. He’s the Bob Backlund of NFL QBs, basically.

So, if for some strange reason you were not familiar with Lance Harbor, here’s a quick summary of the “Varsity Blues” star.

Played by Paul Walker, Harbor was forced to take anesthetic shots on his injured knee in an attempt to return the star quarterback back onto the field. However, the method backfires, as Harbor worsens the injury.

Also, it allows Harbor’s girlfriend to switch preferences to the new starting quarterback — Jonathan “Mox” Moxon — which leads to the infamous whipped cream scene.

Anyway, not really sure why Lance Harbor and Eli Manning can be related. Again, Simmons leaves us silenced.

Follow Sam on Twitter @SamSpiegs




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